No one really tells you that growing up and going to college is extremely difficult. Not only are you thrown into an area where you’re expected to figure out who you’re going to be for the rest of your life, you have to manage a social life and an academic life. This is also while working to pay your bills and working towards building a resume. I just recently turned 21-years-old and feel like just in the last few years that I have grown to be such a strong, goal-oriented human being that (while I still have my few share of breakdowns) is usually calm, collected and has a general concern for others around me.

Now, here are the 21 things I learned in my 21 years of life.

1. You can’t please everyone

This is one of the things that has taken me the longest to realize. I was one of those people that was always concerned about what someone else’s opinion was rather than listening to what I thought. People-pleasing is extremely unhealthy and a hard habit to break, but I promise once you’re able to step out of that routine, you’ll feel so much happier and you’ll live life with more intent.

2. You can only do what you can do

I’m one of those people that’s constantly telling people “yes.” While this may sound like a good thing a majority of the time, I’ve found it puts a certain pressure on me that ends up making me feel very overwhelmed and stressed. I’ve learned to focus on what needs to be prioritized, and then adding extra things on only if I’ve gotten everything else done that I need to.

3. Money doesn’t grow on trees

As cliche as this sounds, it’s something that has been very eye opening. During my freshman year of college is when I got my first job. I was working with the (at the time) minimum wage of $7.85 an hour while only working, at the maximum, five hours a night. This job was for me to provide myself spending money, but it was also seasonal, so the money collected slowly and disappeared quickly. I’ve realized just how many hours I have to work in order to buy the latest Apple product or merchandise at a concert and it’s made me a little more cautious with money.

4. Talking to someone in your class isn’t that scary

Opening up to new people has never been my strongest suit. Growing up, I’d find a few friends and stick to them. I never had to worry about finding new friends or straying away from familiarity. While this didn’t mean I didn’t socialize or work to make sure someone was comfortable in a new social setting for them, this definitely wasn’t my strongest suit in my first semester of college. Making friends in college was hard for me at first because I was scared of what to say or felt that the way I started a conversation wasn’t going to be good enough. This has helped me break out of my shell more as I’ve navigated my classes and will highly benefit me in the workforce.

5. Your opinion is valid

Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion. No one should care what your feelings are on certain issues, and in my opinion, there is never an excuse for them to try to change your opinion. Your opinion is always your opinionand no one can change that. Don’t feel embarrassed by your opinions or be made to feel that what you think is wrong. This is one thing in life that is 100 percent unapologetically yours.

6. Focusing on yourself isn’t a bad thing

I still often feel guilty of this. I am highly introverted, meaning that I thrive off of time with myself. After big social events or a long day on campus, most of the time I want to just sit in my room a take a little time to myself. This isn’t a bad thing and never will be. Everyone has a different way to recharge, and if you’re anything like me, taking the time to focus on yourself will only make you better. If you have to take time to yourself for health reasons, don’t let anything stand in the way of that. Putting yourself first for a change can often be liberating and refreshing, and no one is allowed to take that away from you.

7. Your mom is probably right

As much I hate to admit it most of the time, my mom has been right about every little last thing. Whether it was a feeling she got about a friend or a situation I was involved it, it seemed like she had this radar for fishy situations. One of these days I know it’s going to come in handy, but I’ve never realized how much I appreciated it, even if I didn’t tell her.

8. Don’t let anyone else decide your self-worth

Letting someone else’s opinion get to you can be pretty easy. I always take everything to heart and that isn’t necessarily a good thing. It’s taken me a long time to realize that no one else’s opinions matter as long as I feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to. I’m always striving to be my best self, and I no longer will let someone tell me what that should look like. This is increasingly important when you go away to school. As long as you feel like you are your best self, nothing else matters!

9. Your vibe attracts your tribe

This sounds pretty cliché… but hear me out. If you’re in a bad mood constantly, that is the type of people that you are going to attract. You’ll never be able to improve your mood, and you’ll constantly be in a bad mindset. If you surround yourself with a group that picks you up and is positive most of the time, you’re bound to have a better state of mind. This is something I hadn’t even realized was important until I saw myself transitioning into a person I didn’t want to be. Making those changes is hard, but it is extremely worth it in the long run!

10. It’s okay to not be okay

I feel like a lot of people need to hear this. Everyone around you is struggling with something, whether that may be family issues, a relative is sick, or nothing seems to be going to plan. Sometimes what you need is to show vulnerability in order to know that everyone is fighting a battle of some sort. Your support system will always be willing to help you through what you’re going through. You don’t need to put on a mask. If someone asks you if you’re okay, “no” is always a valid answer.

11. Pray just as much on your good days as your bad days

If you’re into praying and do so on your bad days, be sure to pray on your good days as well. You’re not promised the next day, so praying and thanking the Lord should be part of your routine. You’ll always need God, no matter the predicament or season of life. He is always there and He is always listening.

12. You’ll always need your parents

This is something that snuck up and surprised me. Before leaving for school, I always wanted my freedom, as any high schooler would. After going to college, I missed the little things that we did daily, such as sit and eat dinner and watch TV afterwards. I struggled to come up with a daily routine that did not include them, and found myself on the phone with them multiple times a day. Even now, I still have to call my dad to ask for help with car issues or to see if he wants to have dinner when he’s traveling, and I call my mom more times than she probably wants to hear from me. I thought my time away from them would be awesome, but I couldn’t be more wrong.

13. It’s okay to ask for help

This I still struggle with and constantly have to tell myself that I can’t do everything. Asking for help has been one of my biggest pitfalls throughout my entire life, and I’m working on fixing it. Learning that it’s okay to not have it all figured out has helped me tremendously. No one is perfect. Successful individuals got where they are somehow, and it was by asking for help.

14. Your grades/GPA don’t define you

Growing up, I was always someone that cared about my grades. Don’t get me wrong, I still do. But, my first semester of college was rough. Dual credit classes made college look easy. Going into actual seated classes where I couldn’t rely on the professors to give study guides was rough. It took me forever to feel okay with how my first semester grades were looking. Now, I realize that employers don’t really look into your GPA–it’s what you can bring to the table with the experience you get in the real world that they care about.

15. Don’t judge a book by its cover

This goes in both theoretical and literal meanings. Some of my favorite books have had the most uninteresting covers, and some of my friends (that I really didn’t think I would click with) have turned out to be some of the best. You don’t really know what to expect until you get to know someone or until you read a few pages. Giving that new book, or your next potential friend, a chance can change your perspective on just about everything.

16. No one is worried about what you are doing

As much as you might hope everyone is watching you, it just isn’t true. In your college years, everyone else is too worried about what they’re doing to care! No one is going to keep tabs on what brands you’re wearing, how you spend your time away from class, or what steps you’re taking to better yourself. Everyone told me that college was a very carefree environment. I didn’t believe it until I saw it, and it’s 100 percent true. Just do yourself and everything will go so smooth!

17. The little things are the things that matter

I’ve never been a huge fan of anything extravagant. I like to lay low and keep any attention towards me very low. Especially since going to school, it has made me realize how important those little things is. If you have a sick relative, going home and just sitting with them you will cherish forever. You’ll be so glad you did that instead of sitting at home. Keep track of the little things and let them keep you going.

18. There’s nothing that can’t be solved by a cup of coffee

This has honestly gotten to the point that I almost need a caffeine drip. Coffee seems to be my answer for just about everything. Bad day? Coffee. Good exam grade? Coffee. Studying for a billion hours? Coffee. It’s something I use to both reward myself and cheer myself up. Even if it isn’t coffee for you, find something that creates that balance for you. You’ll appreciate it in your good times and bad.

19. You’re doing the best you can — give yourself a break

All you can do is all you can do. Take that with strife. No one is perfect and it’s something you have to accept. Pushing yourself one hundred times harder is all good and well, but don’t become obsessed over it. More importantly, if you can’t accomplish it, don’t beat yourself up over it. Allow yourself to remember “I may not be able to do it, and that’s okay.” Your mindset will be much healthier, and you’ll thank yourself for it later.

20. God’s timing is everything

This may seem cliche, but hear me out. Where you are now to be is how God intended it. If you’re single and graduating sooner rather than later, that’s okay. If you’re engaged and graduating this semester, that’s okay too. You’re put in the position you’re in now for a reason, and there’s always going to be something around the next corner for you.

21. Communication goes a long way

Last, but probably one of the most important, is that communication should not be optional. Having a terribly bad, horrible day? Say it. If you don’t want to do something, say it. Someone has made you mad? Tell them. No one will know what you want or what you’re experiencing unless you say something. Communication can solve so many issues, especially when living with other people, and it’s so important that you find ways to communicate even the toughest issues. It can save you some beef with your roommates and creating an even tougher environment for yourself.

What life lessons have you learned in your lifetime? I’d love to know! Leave a comment below!