Being asked to be a maid of honor can be very intimidating, but it doesn't have to be! When Madison asked me to be her maid of honor, I was incredibly honored. However, I wanted to get past the intimidation and take the bull by the horns. I didn't want to get in over my head, so I did plenty of research. This really helped me settle into my role! Here's what I learned, along with a timetable to help keep you on track!
6+ months before
Collaborate with the bride on her vision
Generally, this should be the first thing you do. You want to make sure you both are in the same mindset as to what she is wanting! You can aid in finding pieces to fit that vision including the dresses, flowers, decorations... you name it!
Lead the bridal party
Even when it comes to the bride, you are in charge a majority of the time. When it came to showers and parties, I was in charge! This was new for me! I'm very go with the flow and am never the one making the decisions. You will be in charge of leading everyone through everything you plan throughout the duration of the wedding season! Have fun with it!
Create group chats
Madison actually created our original group chat, but I created a group chat for just the bridesmaids and myself. Here we could talk about things we would be surprising Madison with! We also really got to know each other on different levels through both. Group chats can be super fun and very helpful if you let them be!
Help with budgeting
This maybe isn't the most fun job on this list. Cutting costs wherever you can for both yourself and your friend is very important! Your friend will definitely thank you for helping her save where she could.
Aid the bride in finding *the dress*
While I wasn't able to be there in person, I was able to assist with helping Madison finding her dress! I received plenty of pictures of Madison trying on dresses and it was a lot of fun. It's a very special experience to have with your friends, especially if you're able to be there in person.
Aid the bride in picking bridesmaid dresses
This was especially fun for me! Madison wanted fall colors: maroon, burnt orange, yellow, and dark green. While originally she didn't want them to match, I came across this boutique named Baltic Born. While they sell other clothing too, they sell bridesmaid and bridal dresses! They happened to have a style of dress that came in all of the colors Madison was asking for. Plus, the dress wasn't too expensive, fit the vibe she wanted, and it can easily be worn again!
Be there for the bride
Being a good friend is more important than you realize. While this time may seem like sunshine and rainbows, it can be extremely stressful! Just lending an ear or a shoulder to cry on when something doesn't go right is going to mean the world to your friend. Listen to them and make sure they know they matter!
Mediate conflict
If I told you how many times I had to do this, I would tell you: "The limit doesn't exist." Tensions are going to be extremely high and there's going to be those few people that don't agree. Even if you want to shade those people, take the high road and mediate the conflict. It will make the bride happier and ease tensions on wedding day.
3-6 months before
Attend appointments with the bride
Whether it's food, cake, hair or makeup, the bride may need a second or third opinion on the matter. Be prepared to attend these appointments with her if asked! Plus, you may get some cake samples out of it so it's not so bad!
Assist with correspondence preparations
This isn't as bad as it seems, so don't stress. Some websites offer samples of invitations so you're able to see what the options look like in person before ordering 200+ of an option that you don't particularly care for. Also, this correspondence includes the bride's wedding website (if she's doing one). These are fairly easy to set up, but help her gather all the information like links, addresses and photos!
Help choose and assemble invitations
If you opted for samples, choose which fits your taste and the vision best! When they come in, help the bride assemble these and mail them out. If she's having a big wedding, this can take quite a few hands to get it done quickly! She'll be grateful for your help.
Help tackle DIY projects
No wedding is complete without a DIY project! Madison had plenty at her wedding and her (at the time) fiancé had a big family that ended up taking over. If this isn't the case for your friend, you need to be prepared to step in and lend a helping hand for whatever the bride may need! Whether this means putting together bouquets or centerpieces, have a glue gun prepped!
1-2 months before
Plan and host the bridal shower
Now, this is fun. If you're creative at all like me, you're going to be thriving. I loved planning Madison's bridal shower. If you want to see how I planned it all and kept it all on a budget, check out the post I did on it. Bridal showers are a lot of fun!
Keep track of gifts at the bridal shower
This is pretty important, especially if you rented a space like I did. As Madison opened gifts, I wrote down what the gift was and who it was from. This makes it easy for her to write thank you notes afterwards! After the shower was over, I went back over the list to make sure they had all of her gifts loaded up to make sure we weren't forgetting anything.
Plan and host the bachelorette party
I feel like this is one of the main things that people think of when they think of being a maid of honor. To be honest, I almost forgot about it. Depending on the vibe of your group, plan something fun that the whole group can enjoy! We ended up playing games, eating pizza and listening to music the same night as the bridal shower. You can do just about anything!
Help with travel logistics for the bridal party
This wasn't needed for our group, but in most cases, you may need to figure out where everyone is staying! Make sure to sit down with the bride and bust out where you can put everybody. Sometimes parts of hotel floors can be blocked off for bridal parties and/or out of town guests. This can be something you can look into!
Collaborate with the bride to make an itinerary
Just for the sake of my sanity, I made sure to make an itinerary for everyone in the bridal party. I wanted to make sure they all knew when everything was happening so I wasn't being asked the same questions a million times. This worked out really well! I made it on Google and shared it with everyone through our group chat.
1-2 weeks before
Make an emergency kit
This is optional when it comes to duties. However, I was adamant about creating an emergency kit. I'd strongly urge you to do the same. You never know what's going to go wrong! I've created a post on our must haves. Go check it out!
Offer to help pack for the honeymoon
With all the wedding festivities, this can often get shoved to the back burner. Offering to help pack can be your friend's saving grace! It can relieve some tension knowing that she and her partner are already packed for their honeymoon as well.
Attend pre-wedding events
This will be super important! Generally this will include the engagement party (if applicable), the shower, the bachelorette party and rehearsal dinner. Since you're the head of the bridal party (other than the bride of course), you'll want to be at these events to meet any family you don't already know, and be further educated on the wedding.
Have all vendors contact information
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking you don't need this, and hopefully you don't. However, it's nice to have the contact information of all of the vendors in case of emergency. You never know what might happen! Since you want the bride as stress-free as possible, you should be the one to take care of any issues.
Wedding day: Pre-ceremony
Make sure the bride is staying fed/hydrated
This goes for the reception too! I've been to plenty of weddings where the bride didn't eat or drink anything. The couple pays so much money for their guests to have a meal and they never end up eating. Not only is it a waste, it's unhealthy! Even if it's some healthier snacks and drinks, make sure you're keeping the calories coming!
Keep things running according to schedule
I've heard one hundred times that no one remembers if you're on time but they'll remember if you're late. It also keeps away from the amount of time you could be spending celebrating in your space! Keep a steady eye on the clock to make sure you're doing okay on time.
Drop off any reception items
You may have some last minute drop off items like the guestbook, champagne flutes for the bride and groom, or speeches they may have written out for members of their family. Anything is possible! You could be responsible for making sure these get from point A to point B.
Keep up with bridal suite cleanliness
This is a big one for me. I've never left a hotel room or a rental space without it looking pristine. I wanted to make sure the bridal suite space we were given for Madison's wedding was the same! No owner of a rental space wants to clean up after you. Make sure you are keeping an eye on everything!
Keep an eye on alcohol intake
The last thing I would want to be dealing with on my wedding day is a drunk bridesmaid. If you're having mimosas (or something similar) the morning of the wedding, you may have to keep an eye on the alcohol intake. You may have to limit the amount that is brought initially brought in!
Assist the bride's mother
Whether it's helping her do a last walkthrough of the ceremony space, the reception space, or putting a corsage on her wrist, she has needs too. Make sure there isn't anything you can do for her! It's an emotional day for her as well.
Capture memories
While you don't have to necessarily do this on social media, it's not always a bad idea to whip out your phone and catch some behind the scenes. The bride will be thankful for your view of her big day! Plus, you may have caught some things that her photographer may not have.
Keep the bride and her partner from crossing paths
If the bride and groom are sticking to tradition, you'll really want to make sure they don't see each other until the ceremony. Those first look pictures during the ceremony are so special! Even if you have to pick up her train and take off running to avoid her future husband, it'll be worth it!
Help the bride get dressed
This is one of the most special jobs in my opinion! Whether you're zipping or lacing her dress, helping her through the sea of fabric or positioning it to where it looks just right, this is such a special task. If you've been friends for forever and you get emotional easily, you may want to have tissues on hand for this!
Have hair and makeup plans ready to go
This is really overlooked and can take up so much time. If you're going to be a maid of honor, have the bridal party decide their look before hitting the salon so time isn't taken from your tight schedule!
Serve as a messenger between the couple
If the bride and groom are exchanging gifts, you'll be the one to get them from point A to point B! You may even be involved in just spreading general messages if they're going unplugged for the day. The options here are endless; be prepared!
Keep the bride calm
Generally, this should be pretty easy. I've been in three weddings as a bridesmaid/maid of honor and they've all been really calm! However, there may instances arise that could cause a panic. It's your job to keep the bride calm until the problem is resolved!
Wedding day: Ceremony
Keep her partner's ring safe
Before the ceremony, you'll get handed her partner's wedding band. It's your job to keep it safe until it needs to be handed to her! Keep it around your thumb. It's outside of the line of vision of pictures and will be easy to slide off of your finger during the ceremony!
Take care of her bouquet
When it's time to exchange vows, the bride will hand her bouquet off to you since you're the closest person to her. When the ceremony is over, she'll take it back for her walk back up the aisle with her husband! Funny enough, during Madison's wedding she actually forgot to grab hers from me, so I was stuck with both hers and mine.
Arrange the bride's train and veil
If your friend has a really long train and veil, they may need to be adjusted when she gets to the altar. Arrange them so they look nice for pictures!
Wedding day: Reception
Sign the marriage license
Almost immediately after the ceremony, you'll have to sign the marriage license. This was really special for me! I felt so honored to be able to sign as a witness.
Round up people for photos
When pictures are being taken with family and the bridal party, you may be responsible for organizing people or rounding them up in the first place. Especially if either the bride or groom has a big family, the more people hunting them down, the better!
Enter with the best man
A lot of people have started doing this! Typically you should enter the reception with the best man. Pick whatever kind of entrance you want! You can dance, have him carry you in piggy back... the options are endless! Have fun with it!
Answer any guest questions
Guests may have all kinds of questions. They may be wondering where to put gifts, where the guestbook is, or where they are supposed to be seated. Since you've been working so close with the bride, you'll be a human encyclopedia with all of the answers!
Give a speech
I've personally never been to a wedding that the maid of honor didn't give a speech. It will usually follow the best man's! There are lots of routes you can take in order to write it. You can make it funny, sentimental, or you can give advice. In mine, I mixed them all together into one! Have fun with it and really try to show your personality!
Encourage everyone to have fun
Part of your job is to be everyone's hype man. Quite literally. If you see someone that isn't up dancing, invite them to join you on the dance floor! It's really that simple! The wedding reception really is a party for everyone and everyone should enjoy it.
Provide assistance in the bathroom
If the bride has to pee, it's go time. You're in there with her holding up her dress. It's going to bring your joint trips to the bathroom to a whole new level! One of these days she might get to do the same for you.
Keep tabs on wedding gifts
This is the second most important of the reception jobs. For those that brought gifts to the wedding, you want to make sure that those gifts make it home with the bride and groom! Make sure at the end of the night that they all make it in the right car. Wedding gifts can be expensive and you want to avoid mistakes at all costs!
Dance with the bride
The dollar dance has come back at recent weddings I've been too. If your friend is doing the dollar dance or not, the reception is a good time to get in a dance with her! It would be a fun way to talk to her during one of the busiest days you'll see in your friendship. On top of that, the photographer may snap a few good ones of you two!
Tie up loose ends
It's tradition that the top tier of the wedding cake is saved. A lot of couple's will eat the top tier of their cake on their first anniversary! If your friend wants this to happen, make sure it is properly stored of. Have your friend make a list of what she would like done and make sure those points are paid attention to first.
Distribute tip envelopes
If this hasn't been done already, you'll be in charge of handing out the tip envelopes for the vendors when they come and go. Tips are extremely important for businesses! It is crucial that these envelopes get passed out.
Help the bride change and store her dress
When the bride is going to leave, she may want to change into something that is a little more comfortable. If this is the case, you'll be just the girl for the task! You'll be responsible for helping her out of the dress and storing her dress properly in the bag.
Are there any duties you had as a maid of honor that I didn't include? Let me know in a comment below! If you are needing advice as a maid of honor/bridesmaid, feel free to reach out to me at makaylamais@gmail.com.
Comments